Death is Permanent
by SC3NT3DxCOLORS
Summary: Nepeta is devastated when she finds out the Sollux and Karkat are Matesprits. After all, she's in love with Karkat. No matter what she does, she can't seem to deal with it. Jealousy has turned her into an entirely different person.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello, my reader :) You are about to read my newest Homestuck fan fiction. How exciting. Before we begin, I'd like to establish that there will be a mild amount of swearing and some OOC-ness, which is when a character acts differently in a fan fiction than how they are originally. **

**Anyway, if you'd be so kind as to leave a review telling me what you liked about the story, what you disliked about the story, how I could improve, constructive criticism, or if you have questions, that'd be fantastic :D**

**Also keep in mind, I didn't use the actual typing quirks for the characters.**

**I will update every day. The chapters will be a moderate length, so I promise you won't be glued to your computer screen for hours on end...**

**Well you will be, if I don't end this Author's Note soon... Enjoy :)**

* * *

Saying that Karkat Vantas was surprised was an understatement by far. His fingers froze above the keys of his computer, tremors whipping through his hands. He hated being so shocked, but how could he express any other emotion in this current situation?

But, then again, he couldn't really say he hadn't seen it coming. After all, he had kissed the guy for grub's sake.

Displayed on the screen of his computer, in mustard yellow text and a weird typing quirk with a lisp were words confessing a red feeling toward him.

"KK, I've thought about that kiss," twinArmageddons had sent him. "And mulling over all my confused and repressed emotions, I've come up with an answer to the questions I've asked myself. I'm red for you."

And here Karkat was, shocked as any one troll can get when thrown into an awkward situation such as this one. Karkat wasn't anything if he wasn't quick to answer with an angry, sarcastic, degrading comment. But this was something completely new to him.

"What about Aradia?" he asked, his caps lock on as to not break his stride. "I mean, you just watched her blow up, and suddenly you say you have red feelings for me."

"No KK!" he said. After a short moment of composing himself, he continued. "I'm not confused. I've thought a lot about the kiss... And how it affected me..."

"Affected you?" Karkat asked. "That's a weird way of putting you 'got a boner'."

Sollux replied with one of those angry emoticons with the sound effect that Karkat still had no idea how he coded into the text box. "I didn't get a 'boner' KK, I was just reminded of feelings I thought were long gone."

"Oh god, what are you talking about? You had a crush on me?"

"Shut up, this is serious!". Karkat didn't respond, and let the other troll continue. "So what? You're not going to make fun of me for having red feelings for you. Now, I'd _love_ to explain all my innermost thoughts and opinions with you, but I need to ask you... If you'd be my Matesprit?"

Once again, Karkat was at the end of his line. How could he reply to something like this without being a completely inconsiderate asshole? He had already gone through this with Nepeta, and he had to carefully dance around the subject as to not hurt her feelings, but not lead her on. How could he answer Sollux without being a complete insensitive asshole? His answer was obvious...

Wasn't it?

He was beginning to feel some doubt about his true feelings toward the troll he was now corresponding with. Karkat had never actually considered himself to be with another member of his species - Scratch that, of **_any_ **species - and now found himself actually weighing out the circumstances.

Sollux... wasn't _unattractive_ by any standards. And when they had kissed... it wasn't... _unpleasant_.

His lips were soft and warm, and he didn't taste of mustard at all. It wasn't _impossible_ for Karkat to see himself as Sollux's Matesprit at all...

But Matespritship wasn't his style. Neither was Kismesis, mind you, they're both overrated.

Karkat wasn't sure how to respond. It wasn't definitely a 'yes' but it certainly wasn't a 'no'.

* * *

Shipping charts painted in blood decorated the walls of the room in her hive that could be the human equivalent to a 'bedroom'. The little troll girl in the room seemed so sad.

What could have caused the cute little cat girl to be so despondent?

Was it the possible one-sided love triangle she was thrown into?

Yes, that's certainly it.

Nepeta sat at her computer, her cute knitted hat had been thrown across the room a short while ago in frustration and anger. But she had tried not to ruin it for him.

"-twinArmageddons began trolling arsenicCatnip-"

"Nepeta, quick, I need your advice on something."

Quick to respond with a cute RP, she asked the seemingly confused troll what was on his mind.

"I... I'm red for someone..."

Her little double-mouthed emoticon that began each little blurb of text she sent displayed her shock as she asked him, "Who is it?"

"It's KK."

Her eyes widened with pure horror.

Karkitty...?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks to WickedSoberGamzee and Caramel-Rose for taking their time to review :) I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"I'm not sure if I should ask him to be my Matesprit yet," Sollux continued. "Do you think I should wait for the Aradia thing to pass?"

There was a long pause.

"AC?"

And yet another few moments.

"You know what, I think I've figured it out," he said. "Thanks."

"-twinArmageddons ceased trolling arsenicCatnip-"

Tears began to well in Nepeta's eyes before she could stop them. What if Karkat said yes? What if he felt the same way toward Sollux? A tear splashed onto her keyboard, followed closely by two more.

A while ago, Karkat had rejected her gently, which made her cry even harder than if he would've said she's dumb and he didn't want her.

Maybe he hadn't changed.

Maybe Karkat still didn't want romance.

"-adiosToreador began trolling arsenicCatnip-"

"Hey Nepeta," the insecure troll sent her in his backwards typing quirk. "How are things?"

She exploded, much like poor Aradi-bot did.

"OH, THINGS ARE GOING ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLY!"

"Woah Nepeta. What's the matter?"

"SOLLUX IS GOING TO COURT KARKAT!"

"Oh. How do you know?"

"HE TOLD ME! HE TOLD ME THAT HE AND KARKAT KISSED AND NOW HE WANTS TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!"

"Well, what did you say to him?

"I couldn't answer him..." Nepeta said, deciding against any more use of the caps lock. "I immediately started bawling like a kitten."

"I understand how you feel..." Tavros admitted. "Seeing someone you love have feelings for someone else..."

"But Karkat might not even have feelings for him!" she said hopefully.

"They kissed," the rust-colored text pointed out to her.

He was right. Of course Karkat liked Sollux. They were close friends, after all. Much closer than she and Karkat had ever been.

But still, some little flicker of hope beamed inside her.

"What do I do?" she asked, now completely and utterly hopeless.

"You just have to wait," he told her. "And if Karkat says yes, well, then he says yes."

"I... guess you're right," she typed, feeling numb. "I... Shouldn't be selfish. Thank you, Tavros."

"Cheer up, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay."

"-arsenicCatnip ceased trolling adiosToreador-"

Nepeta rubbed her swollen eyes. Why did this have to happen? She knew it was selfish, but she loved Karkat with all of her heart. She started trembling when she thought of Sollux and Karkat together.

* * *

"So...? Will you go out with me or not?"

There was a long pause.

"Fine. I'll go out with you."

Sollux's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Did I not just fucking say yes?"

"Great! I'll see you soon!" Sollux typed furiously, running toward the room full of clothes to decide what to wear to pick up his date.

"What? Now?" Karkat asked.

"Yes," Sollux replied, one leg in his pants. "I'm taking you somewhere. See you in a bit."

"-twinArmegeddons ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist-"


	3. Chapter 3

Nepeta sat on the large metal desk, her head bowed low, while Equius seemed deeply immersed in his work.

She traced circles on the hard, cold surface while her sweaty friend pounded away at a wooden sculpture. If she wasn't so depressed she would've inquired as to why he was doing that. But, she was too wrapped up in her own self-pity to care.

~Earlier~

"-twinArmageddons began trolling arsenicCatnip-"

"He said yes!"

"HE DID!?" Nepeta exclaimed.

"Yes!"

Nepeta pushed her hair out of her face, her heart aching in her chest.

"I'm... happy for you."

"Thanks NP," he said. "I'll message you later."

"-twinArmageddons ceased trolling arsenicCatnip-"

She clutched her chest as her face began to clench up.

Why? Why did she have to care so deeply for him?

~Currently~

Equius began to clean up his mess, breaking the tips off several screws in the process. He glanced up to see Nepeta's hair in her face, covering her eyes.

He stepped toward her, plucking her hat off her head and tucking her hair behind her ears.

"Nepeta," he said, his voice surprisingly gentle. "What is the matter?"

"Nothing."

He placed his hands on her cheeks, frowning. "I command you tell me at once."

She jerked her head out of his hands. "Leave me alone."

His eyes widened behind his broken glasses. "Fine. If you do not wish to tell me, I will not demand information."

He tilted her chin up with his finger so that she was looking at him. "However, I am here for you."

Despite her broken heart, despite everything she was feeling right then, a smile crept upon her face when she heard those words come out of Equius's mouth. He really cared about her. Not in the way distant friends did, when they ask how the other has been and there was no other way to respond than "Good, and you?" But... The kind of friend that truly cared, and would listen to the other's problems.

"Thank you, Equius," she said.

"Of course."

* * *

Their fingers were awkwardly intertwined as they walked out of step across one of the many bridges parallel to each other. Sollux was tall and lanky, his long legs allowing him walk twice as fast as Karkat, making the hand holding largely difficult. His fingers were long and bony, all wrapped around Karkat's chubby ones.

"Why did you take me here?" Karkat complained. "It's hot and boring."

"I think it's nice," replied Sollux. "And fascinating."

"How so? They're just bridges."

"Bridges built thousands of sweeps ago," Sollux began. "By ancient trolls. Each bridge starts at the same point, and is the same length. Each stone was carefully placed to be exactly like the others, in seemingly perfect order."

"I didn't need a fucking lecture on stupid bridges." Karkat retorted. "Besides, they were built for no fucking reason at all. There isn't anything to cross but flat land. Whoever led the team of builders to make these things was a fucking idiot."

"KK, we're surrounded by sand," Sollux said.

"Wow. I had no fucking clue."

"You didn't let me finish," Sollux sighed. "Dirt and sand could've filled up some kind of dried up body of water. When they were built, there was probably a vast lake beneath these bridges."

Sollux's mind began to picture the wonderful clear water that must've been here, life a carefully balanced ecosystem thriving here. But then the water dried up and everything died, and wind carried sand to the lake and filled it up.

"Must've been a big ass lake if they needed a thousand fucking bridges for it." Karkat mumbled.

Sollux rolled his eyes. "So not one part of that was intriguing to you? Not even a little?"

"Not a morsel."

"Perfect."

Sollux pulled Karkat close to him, and kissed him.

* * *

**A/N: Please review :) **


	4. Chapter 4

"I don't get it," Sollux said. "This movie is dumb."

"This movie is inspiring and, I assure you, not in the slightest bit dumb," Karkat snapped. "You see that mildly attractive troll woman? She's in fucking love with that handsome troll man. But he's been to prison a few times because he's made some bad fucking decisions and thinks he doesn't deserve her. You totally do, muscly troll dude. You totally do." The last two sentences were whispered, and Karkat had hints of tears in his eyes.

Sollux wrapped his arm around his Matesprit. "What ever you say, KK."

* * *

Two young trolls, roughly the same age, were both dressed in intricate costumes, and seemingly having a good time playing as their assumed roles.

"Nepeta," Tavros said. "I'm sorry about the whole Karkat thing."

"It doesn't matter," she replied. "I'm okay with it."

"Well, I'm glad you're okay with it," he said with a timid smile. "Hey, I know this is crazy, but I want to ask you something."

"What is it, Tavros?"

"Well..." he began. "Do you want to be my-?"

"Oh goodness, is that the time?" Nepeta interrupted, scrambling to the door. "I was supposed to meet Equius for lunch an hour ago!"

"Oh!" Tavros exclaimed. "You'd... Better get going then, huh?"

"Yes! Oh, he'll be so angry!"

"I'll talk to him about it if you'd like..." he said, hoping she'd deny and say she'd deal with it. Equius was big, and very intimidating, and he wanted to avoid any altercation with him. He would do it for Nepeta if she wanted him to, but he'd still be scared.

"It's fine, I'll work it out. Bye, Tavros."

As the door shut, he sighed. Just as he'd finally gathered up all the courage he could muster to ask her something very important, she had to leave. He'd been wanting to ask her for a very long time...

Why does he have such bad luck?

* * *

Equius sat in his workshop, very annoyed and worried about his Moirail.

He found it hard to believe that she'd intentionally avoid their plans for lunch. Something more important must've popped up last minute, and she couldn't be there. To say his feelings were hurt was a stretch, but he did wonder why she'd stood him up.

Suddenly, the very same Nepeta he was just thinking about bursted through the door, her hair a mess and gasping, as if she'd been running for a while.

"So... Sorry... Equius... RP-ing... Tavros... Time..." she said in between pants.

"Calm yourself, Nepeta."

She keeled over, coughing. "I'm sorry."

"It is alright," he assured her. "I know you've been... Distraught lately."

"Yes," she said.

"Just... Don't do it again," he said with false authority, trying to re-assert his firmness.

"Of course not," she giggled.

"So, let's go get lunch then," said Equius.

He took her hand and they went to get food. Nepeta always hunted for her own food near the more wooded areas of Alternia, so it was nice to relax and not have to get blood on her costume.

"So, what exactly _has_ been bothering you lately?" Equius asked over a plate of bread and milk. He frowned at her animistic eating habits. "Nepeta, you have a fork..."

She straightened her back and picked up her fork, stabbing her food. "It's nothing, Equius."

He took his knife and cut off a piece of bread, graciously biting off of it. "Nepeta, as your Moirail, I have a right to know these things. Especially if it concerns your mental well-being."

"My 'mental well-being' is not a concern!" she shouted.

He sighed. "Fine."

They finished their meal in silence.


	5. Chapter 5

"-arsenicCatnip began trolling carcinoGeneticist-"

"Karkat, I have news," Nepeta began, the cute girl who always started her conversation with a rolelplay was long gone. "I don't know how you'll take it."

"What're you going on about?" the angry troll asked.

Nepeta took in a deep breath. "Sollux... Is cheating on you."

* * *

Sollux Captor, a mustard-blooded troll with a lisp, was currently typing something on a computer. Perhaps a code of some sort?

After all, a cool troll such as himself only had time for important things, such as coding video games and trolling n00bz.

But, upon further inspection, one would find Sollux was not doing either of those things. He was having a conversation with a person whose username was carcinoGeneticist. No one has any clue what that means, not even the person behind said username.

"-carcinoGeneticist began trolling twinArmageddons-"

"Sollux," Karkat said. "Please answer me."

This was unusual. No all-caps? No sarcastic remarks or anger? And, on top of that, Karkat seemed... Scared? This must be urgent.

"Yeah? What is it KK?"

"I don't have much time," the other troll typed urgently.

"What are you talking about?" Sollux asked, very concerned.

"It's Gamzee. He went on a murderous rampage. He's somewhere in this building. I... Oh gog I... I think I can hear him."

"KK tell me this is a joke..."

"I wish it was. I found Equius dead... Even though he was a douche, he was still a friend..."

"Do you think you can fight Gamzee off?" Sollux asked.

"If he can squeeze Equius's neck as easily as squeezing a grape there's no way I could fight him. I'm fucking done for..."

"I'm coming for you." Sollux said definitely. "I'm going to find you and get you out of there."

"No way, Captor, I'm not letting that happen," said Karkat. "You could be killed."

"Yeah, and _you_ could be killed if I don't do anything. See you soon."

"-twinArmageddons ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist-"

* * *

Tavros Nitram sat patiently at his computer, waiting for his friend to reply.

"Nepeta?"

No response.

"Nepeta, please answer."

Still no response.

"Nepeta, I'm not going to make it."

There was a long pause, before the troll continued, his fingers covered in rust colored blood.

"Nepeta, I want you to know... That I love yo..."

And the last words to ever escape Tavros Nitram were never sent to the girl. Just before he clicked the send button (because he didn't care for keyboard shortcuts), the clumsy, unlucky little troll died. He died without telling Nepeta those words confessing feelings he'd had for a while. She would never know how this insecure, shy troll boy felt about her.

Because, before his demise, Nepeta had already died as well.

* * *

"I don't even think that's possible," Karkat said. "You can't be 'cheated on' in our culture."

"Yes, you can," Nepeta insisted. "I saw him kissing Eridan."

"They're Kismesis."

"That kiss was very red."

"Look, Nepeta, I know what you're trying to do."

The girl ran her trembling fingers through her disheveled hair, a gesture she found herself to be doing a lot lately.

"I'm not trying to 'do' anything but tell you what I saw."

"This is getting pathetic. I know it was hard for you to accept that Sollux and I are together. But... I'm not going to break up with him to solely make you happy."

"I'm not trying to get you to break up with him."

"Nepeta, you know as well as anyone that your Matesprit isn't the only person you can kiss."

It really was pathetic, what Nepeta was doing. She just couldn't accept Karkat being with Sollux. But how could she pretend to be happy for them?

"You're right. I'm being dumb..."

"No, Nepeta, it isn't dumb."

"...Thank you, Karkat."

"-arsenicCatnip ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist-"

Nepeta slammed her computer shut. Sollux had advised her not to do this, but she didn't care at this point.

She looked through the bars of the vent she was taking shelter in under Equius's command. She wasn't sure why he had told her to do so, and after some arguing, she finally gave in to his orders and hid.

Hey, speak of the devil.

Who was he with?

Gamzee stood in front of Equius, his legs bent awkwardly beneath him, almost as if he was a newborn hoof beast who'd never supported his own weight before. Why were they glaring at each other?

It happened so fast. One moment they were standing, the next they were fighting, throwing punches. Equius surely had the upper hand, with his STRONGness. Gamzee was crazy. He had no chance.

But, just as her confidence in her Moirail grew, Gamzee had clumsily managed to pin Equius to the floor, taking a rope and wrapping it around Equius's throat...

Nepeta was frozen, petrified. No way! Equius was a master of combat!

'Move damn it... Move!' her mind urged her. It wouldn't take much effort to break the vent and jump down to save her best friend. But she was too afraid to move, and could only watch her vision blur up with tears, as she watched him slowly die.

"Equius..." she whispered.

He was looking at her has his faced turned blue. He started to tremble, his eyes bulging out of his head as he struggled to breathe. The corners of his mouth turned up ever so slowly, seeming to take a large amount of effort.

He smiled at her.

"Nepeta... I am here for you," his voice echoed in her head. "Hide, Nepeta... Get to safety... Run away... Save yourself... What's been bothering you?... Moirail..."

She bursted through the vent, her claws long and sharp, as she screamed in anguish and hatred.

She was too late.

Laying, limp on the floor, was her Moirail, Equius Zahhak.

No one really thought of death. No one took the time to analyze it. All our lives, we're taught what to do to make our lives better. To take care of ourselves, so our death won't be for nothing. Everyone knows death is permanent.

Nepeta stared at the ceiling as green blood oozed out of her mouth. She could hardly breathe, and her vision was beginning to fail. She would be dead soon. She knew it.

She wasn't scared. She felt more brave than she'd felt in the time she was alive. It was taking a lot of effort to breathe now. She used the last bit of strength she had to look at Equius and smile, just as he'd done for her. She began to think about Sollux and Karkat. _'At least they won't have me to interrupt them anymore,' _she thought.

She began to panic. She wanted to see Karkat. She wanted him to hold her and pretend like everything was okay. Her heartbeat slammed against her chest. In her mind, she begged for another chance from someone - anyone - to see him one more time.

Four words escaped her lips as she died. "I love you, Karkitty."

* * *

**A/N: What'll happen to Sollux and Karkat? Find out tomorrow :) Please review, and have a wonderful day~!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Here's the last chapter :33 I hope you enjoy.  
**

**To Nonny: Yes that's a good question. I figured she must've heard a human say it, or she studies human romance habits for shipping purposes. But it's up to your imagination, really :)**

* * *

Karkat sat in his bedroom, shaking in fear when he heard the occasional honk of a horn. He had scattered the noisemakers all over the floor, seemingly impossible for murderous clowns to avoid stepping on them. Karkat hated not knowing what would happen next. He wanted to be on top of things, in control.

But given the current situation, he'd just have to wait it out and see what'll happen.

It was agony not knowing where Sollux and Gamzee were, or if either was dead.

The door handle twisted oh so slowly. Dread filled the pit of his stomach, when he realized it could be either one.

A gray hand pushed the door open... Karkat braced himself for an attack.

"Hey KK."

Karkat let out a deep sigh and yanked Sollux's arm, pulling him inside.

"I thought you were dead."

"Well, I'm not. I think I saw Gamzee several times, but it turned out he was going somewhere else." A loud honk sounded outside the door, terrifyingly close. "We have to get out of here."

"Sollux..." Karkat said. "I'm scared."

Sollux had never seen this side of Karkat before. This vulnerable, scared side. It was adorable. Despite the danger they were in, despite everything else, Sollux leaned forward, pulling Karakt close to him, and kissed him.

After a few moments, Sollux broke their kiss. "C'mon, let's get out of here."

"Okay..."

So, Sollux and Karkat crept out of the room into the hallway. They avoided most of the horns that were scattered across the floor, cringing when a honk escaped under their feet. They didn't see Gamzee.

When they finally escaped the building, when they were finally safe in Sollux's hive, they finally took a deep breath and tried to slow their heartbeats. Sollux held Karkat as he started to sob.

The last thing Karkat had said to Equius was that he was a sweaty loser. Sure, that was true, but Karkat still felt guilty. And... Oh gog... He said Nepeta was pathetic...

"Sh, it's okay Karkat," Sollux said. "It's not your fault."

Karkat cried harder.

* * *

He smiled when he saw the girl next. Little happy Nepeta, with white eyes, dead, yet alive.

She was happy.

They hadn't known they'd be given another chance to live again. Tavros never wanted to let go of Nepeta's hand.

It seemed that death wasn't so permanent, after all.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you liked the story :3 be sure to leave me a review and tell me what you liked and disliked, how it could be better, or any of that stuff.**


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